My Life as a Teenage Ranma
by Tangent
Summary: If I were to replace a member of the Ranma 1/2 cast, Ranma himself wouldn't be my first choice. Stil, what would I do in his place? And why isn't the story going where I would expect it too? Rated T for occasional language. May change later...


My Life as a Teenage Ranma

PREREADING AND EDITING ASSISTANCE BY:

None, currently…

DISCLAIMER:'Ranma ½' and all characters therein belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogagukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. This fanfic has been produced for my own enjoyment and to pass on without profit. Other characters that come into play in this fanfic may or may not be pulled from other sources (including other fanfics, RPGs, manga, anime, literature, or possibly even _gasp_ American comic books!).

TAGS: Self Insert

**CHAPTER ONE:**

Ow…

The back of my head hurts. Dizzy, disoriented, under water…

No idea where I am or how I got here, but I do know I can't stay where I am. I flounder for a bit, not quite panicking as I _have_ had training for this sort of thing, even if it was ages ago. Kind of like riding a bike…

Been years since I've done that either…

Focus! Must focus! Must not allow the possible concussion to distract me from the fact that I can't breathe water.

Okay, the bottom is here, and there's a bamboo pole. I grab the pole and follow it to the surface before finally drawing in much needed air.

Head still hurts and I'm still a bit dizzy, but my sense of balance is restoring itself so if I have a concussion, it's nowhere near as bad as the first one. I brush my sopping wet bangs out of my eyes and blink.

I shouldn't have bangs. Heck, I haven't have hair on top of my head for almost as long as it's been since the last time I rode a bike. Never did quite forgive the army barber for speeding that process along…

Oh, wait - angry panda to deal with. Running's not an option. Besides being hindered by being in water and wet clothes, I haven't been able to run since my car accident. I let fear, anger, and combat training take over, hoping to drive the wild animal off.

Pulling the bamboo pole out of it's mooring is easier than it should be, but I don't really think about that and chalk it up to the adrenalin. I spin it around and whack the panda across the head several times until it backs off. I don't let up, knowing that if I do, it might decide to retaliate rather than run away. Probably not the best idea I ever had, but I can't run, so aggression is what I go with.

Seeing the panda take off like a shot, I decide that the thing is probably smarter than I am. I don't follow, because I'm not stupid enough to chase a wild animal into the wilderness with nothing better than a bamboo pole.

"Ooh," some guy in generic Chinese communist clothing gets my attention. "Young Mister Customer fall in Nyanniichuan: Spring of Drowned Girl. Now whenever splashed with cold water, Young Mister Customer become a girl."

What. The. Frigging. Hell!?

Since when have I become Ranma Saotome?

Hell, forget that for the moment. How can I understand Japanese? I never really understood how that part of self-insert stories worked. If this is a self insert story and not a dream. It doesn't really feel like either one. My head still hurts, I'm soaking wet, and I got water up my nose. I can feel the ground under my bare feet, which is more comfortable than I would have thought, but then this body would be used to it, wouldn't it?

"Whatever," Using the pole as a walking stick in case my dizziness gets worse, I move away from the pools. "Got anything I can dry off with while we wait for my old man to come back?" No point in getting pissed off, since I don't really care about becoming a girl. I'm more concerned with whatever happened to Ranma's persona, since apparently I'm in his body, as other than a few skills, some scattered memories, and a lifetime of combat training far better than anything I got out of the army is all I seem to find available.

Is he dead? Did I absorb him outright? Or is he merely suppressed until I leave his body? I have no idea. I just know I'm going to lose sleep over that one for a while. I can't really do much about the first two, but if it's the last one, I've got an obligation to try not to screw up his life too much before he comes back.

It just wouldn't be right.

O O O

The smell of vegetable stir fry fills the somewhat cozy tourist shack that apparently doubles as an overnight cabin. There's no real privacy, but I don't think the guide actually lives here. Not enough personal effects, especially for someone living with a daughter or niece (I don't remember which Plum was supposed to be). Not that the girl is here at the moment anyway.

I'm sitting in the guide's tourist shack, male, with a towel draped over my shoulders as I ponder what to do next. I shouldn't have to worry about Ryoga, since I didn't chase Ranma's father…

Just to prove me wrong, a the large panda chose that time to waltz into the shack with his prize.

I know its Ryoga because its wearing his bandanna as a collar, but apparently without me there, he got bumped into the Spring of Drowned Fox instead. Poor guy has no luck whatsoever.

Wait, the guide's pulling out a skinning knife. Better nip this one in the bud before it turns ugly. I don't know if anyone with a Jusenkyo curse would revert to there true form once they died, but that's a moot point anyway, since I have no intention of fostering cannibalism, accidental or otherwise.

Whipping the still damp towel around the wrist of the guide's knife hand, I jerk the knife out of his hand and toss it back into it's place in the kitchenette.

Whoa… That was kind of cool!

Also beside the point. Can't let myself get distracted with skills I shouldn't have right now.

"Y'know, I'd expect this sort of behavior from Pop, since it sometimes takes him a while to think things through, but dammit man, you should know better! You work here!" So saying, I grab the pot of hot water the guide had used to turn me back earlier, despite temptations to use the scalding water in the wok instead. I'm not that cruel.

Besides, I'm hungry, and it would be a waste of perfectly good food.

Swinging the pot so as to splash the other two curse victims at the same time, I cock an eyebrow as Ryoga immediately turns on Genma and proceeds to beat the crap out of the surprised man. Turning a half-lidded gaze towards the guide, I note that he has the grace to appear embarrassed about the mistake he almost made. Shrugging, I go over to my pack and fish out a pair of clean boxers and a spare training gi, then settle down to watch the one sided fight.

Actually, it is rather one sided, although I would have expected it to be in the other direction under normal circumstances. Despite Ryoga's unnatural strength advantage, he's still more or less self-trained, while Genma has had more years of martial arts experience than either Ryoga or Ranma put together. Still, everyone has off days, and the old man is definitely showing signs of being seriously hurt by the time Ryoga has burned through his temper.

"If you're done beating on my old man, you might want to put these on," I say, tossing the clothing onto the panting boy's head.

"Ranma… huff… at last I… huff… I've…" Jeeze, he's seriously out of breath! I could have sworn an endurance freak like him would recover faster than that after such a brief fight. At least he has the presence of mind to dress himself. It's awkward enough getting Genma into a pair of his own boxers as it is without worrying about dressing yet another guy.

"Lemme guess," I comment dryly, "You're upset that I couldn't be bothered to wait more than three days in that vacant lot for our fight, right?" He starts to reply, but I interrupt him before he can get his mad on again. "Skip it! We can fight later. Right now I have a concussion, you're out of breath, and all three of us have curses to deal with. Speaking of which…"

I turn my attention to the guide, who has apparently decided to help me dress Genma. Seems like a nice enough guy, for all that it apparently never occurred to him that a fox wearing a bandanna around its neck in these parts was probably a victim of Jusenkyo. "There wouldn't happen to be a Spring of Drowned Boy, would there?"

"Why are you asking that, Ranma?" Ryoga grumbled. "We're already cured."

"Only till we get hit with cold water again," I explain. "The guide was telling me about it earlier while we were waiting for my old man to come back."

"Young Mr. Customer correct, young sir," the guide interjects with a smile. I think he's happy that we're actually being somewhat rational about the whole thing. Well, aside from beating on Genma…

Maybe he's just happy not to be the target of opportunity…

"Nanniichuan, Spring of Drowned Boy, right over there," the guide continues, gesturing to one of the pools. "Very tragic tale of boy who fall in and… Hey! What young sir doing! Tragic tale not finished yet!"

"Ryoga! Stop!" I yell uselessly as I chase off after him. "You're heading the wrong way! That's the spring I… fell… into…" I slow to a stop and pick up the bamboo pole I had dropped earlier so I could fish Ryoga out of the Nyanniicuan, since the damn idiot jumped right into it. Not that I'm too worried about him drowning if he crossed the Sea of Japan the same way Ranma and Genma had, but I expect he'll be hellishly strong even as a girl, and I don't want to be pulled into any body of water by someone having a panic attack.

I will admit to being somewhat surprised when a furry hand emerges from the pool, holding onto the other end of my pole. What I had expected was a female Ryoga, maybe with an odd hair color. After all, the temporary curses provided by the powdered spring packets completely overrode whatever other Jusenkyo curse someone might have, so the real deal should do the same thing, right?

Given the fact that I'm staring at an anthropomorphic fox-girl about half my height, it would seem that I couldn't be more wrong. The curses mix.

Damn.

Now what am I going to do?

**END CHAPTER ONE**

Glah… Don't expect any further chapters of this story to be written in the first person view, except perhaps here and there as highlights. I really don't have a hang of that style, and it feels funny.

Oddly, even though I did end up putting myself in Ranma's place in this story, he wouldn't be my first choice of who to be if I actually had to put myself in someone else's shoes. The kid's got too many problems, and way too many of them are placed on him due to events beyond his control. I'd much rather be on the sidelines if I really had to be in the story.

Still, once the title popped into my head, I couldn't resist actually doing something with it! :D


End file.
